Negativity starts as a reaction. If we are not aware of it and do not fight it, it turns into a mindset. What I want you to understand is that many of these reactions are simply physiological. This means that, for the most part, focusing on negativity is under our control — of course, except in cases of serious trauma or mental health issues. These are painful and sometimes paralyzing, but for everyday circumstances, we have more power than we think.
Winning this “war” against negativity requires conscious and constant effort from us. It’s about breaking those reflexive patterns that often run in the background, without us even being aware of them.
Why does our brain tend towards negativity?
There are two main reasons why we naturally focus on negative things:
- Our brain is wired to remember negative experiences better. It is built to retain insults better than praise, to react more intensely to negative events, and to pay more attention to them than to positive ones. It’s a self-preservation mechanism — that primal “fight or flight” instinct that helps us detect danger.
- The brain wants to maintain emotional stability. The longer you stay in a state of frustration or negativity, the more your brain works to keep you there. It’s like a chemical cocktail that offers you predictability, even if it’s unpleasant.
How does this manifest?
Imagine a wonderful day at the office. You’ve had great accomplishments, but at one point, your manager makes an unpleasant comment. Suddenly, your whole day changes. You focus only on that remark, you feel angry, and when you get home and someone asks you how your day was, you answer: “It was a disaster!”
Why? Because that negativity bias makes you exaggerate the importance of bad things that happen, ignoring all the good things.
It’s not all lost — here are two strategies that work
Even though negativity seems to have all the advantages, there are methods through which you can resist it. Here are two of the most effective techniques I use myself:
1. Stop negative thoughts right away
Learn to observe your thoughts, especially those about yourself. You tend to tell yourself things like:
- “I’m an idiot.”
- “I never do anything right.”
- “This always happens to me.”
You need to stop these thoughts as soon as they arise. I use mantras that completely change the direction of my thoughts and force my brain to focus on something else. Some of my favorite examples are:
- “You either win or learn.”
- “It’s not a problem, just an inconvenience.”
- “My thoughts don’t have to become my emotions.”
I repeat these phrases, either in my mind or aloud, until I feel the tension in my chest decrease and I return to calm. You can experiment and find the phrase that works best for you. It’s like catching your brain “in the act” when it’s exaggerating and redirecting it.
2. Reframe situations
The way you tell yourself your experiences shapes how you interpret them. When you catch yourself thinking only about the negative aspects, try to find another angle. It’s not about ignoring the problems, but giving equal attention to the good parts as well.
It all starts with self-compassion. For example, if your thought is:
- “I’m sure I’m going to fail.”
Don’t try to replace it with something unrealistic, like:
- “I’m convinced everything will go perfectly.”
Because if something goes wrong, you’ll feel even worse. Instead, try to be realistic:
- “All I can do is try my best.”
This approach replaces fear with truth and allows you to accept the results, whatever they may be. You don’t ignore the negative possibilities, but you don’t let them overwhelm you either.
Constant practice, better results
Each intervention of this type makes the next one easier. And the next one. And the next one. The goal is not to completely eliminate the negative voice in your mind, but to shorten the distance between the moment it starts and the moment you regain your balance.
This is what I’ve learned to do over the years, and if I can, I’m sure you can too.
